A Male Perspective on Confronting Relational Aggression

by James Heinlein

While finishing my senior year of college at NYIT, I felt the way that any soon-to-be college graduate feels. I’m thinking, “I have so much knowledge through my educational experience but I have no idea what the real world might bring me. My past I am sure of, but my future can go any which way.” I thought I knew everything there was to know about school. I thought I had been through it all. I was an expert on the educational system and everything that I had been through, until; I was enrolled in a class that did public relations for non-profit organizations.

Our agency name was NuVision and we were doing the public relations for The Girl Scouts of America’s Nassau County Division. Our campaign goals were to inform teenage girls about relational aggression, and where they can go for help. As soon as I heard this I was like, “relational what?” Then I learned that relational aggression is the way girls manipulate the social scene to hurt or psychologically “destroy” their peers; in other words, boys fight with fists, but girls fight with frowns.

It all starts to become clear to me now. Though I never really paid attention to this, I do remember when girls got into arguments; very rarely did they get into fistfights. When girls fought in elementary or high school, it was like gorilla warfare, …spreading rumors through the hallways and talking a smack at someone through instant messages or e-mails. They were using new technology as weapons; writing blogs for all to see about certain individuals.

Now that I think of it, girls are really sneaky and experts at their game of female warfare. We boys, when we got into fights, would use our hands to make points. At the end of the fight, you might have a bruised up face and body for a few days, but they heal and go away. When girls get into fights, they bruise up another girl’s image, self-esteem, reputation and feelings. These types of fights create injuries that that can last forever. What I mean is, if someone only hears “the bad stuff” about a kid, they only know “the bad stuff.” You can’t go back in time and tell everyone that you were just making things up or lying.

Working with the research and creative team at NuVision, I slowly learned there are ways to help teenage girls facing Relational Aggression We realized, of course, there is no way we could stop technology and its being used as a weapon of relational aggression. Cyber bullying is the new face of relational aggression; girls can use instant messaging, e-mails, and blogs to spread rumors faster and easier than ever before. Instead of ways to keep girls away from the Internet, we thought of ways to help victims with the Internet.

The creation of a website was needed. A website where teenagers can go, as a safe haven, and see there are other teenagers who are faced with the same problems. We at NuVision set out to design that website that provides straightforward information and advice about relational aggression in terms and stories targeted to kids, especially middle school and junior high girls.

Using the contacts with our local Girl Scout organization, which has joined forces with the Ophelia Project, a national leader on the issue, we researched the problem, interviewing the target age group of teenage girls, and modeled the website around their needs. We use video clips and sound bites of them to bring a more personal touch to the website we have called www.namesdohurt.com

By the time you read this, the site will be up and running, permitting the girls to as well as adults to add ideas and suggestions that, after examination, may be added in site updates. We at NuVision are passionate about raising awareness about this critical issue in the lives of girls. We hope our efforts meet the expectations of our number one critic, the teenage girl who comes to our site in search for help, and that she finds more help and support than she could have ever dreamed.