Relational Aggression: a Focus on Causes

By Vidhya Iyer

“A group of six girls surrounded me and yelled at me. I refused to go to school after the horrible nightmare. I could not face anyone anymore. I felt lonely, helpless and ashamed.”

These are the words of Allie, a second grader.This is not a movie scene or the imagination of a writer, but a real life incident. The horrendous nightmare that Allie underwent is “Relational Aggression,” a term for bullying among girls.

Relational aggression, also known as covert bullying, social aggression or female bullying, is a psychological and emotional form of abuse. It generally involves relationships an individual has that are used to injure; not harm done by strangers. Girls use insults as weapons to bully their peers and juniors whereas boys use their physical strength. Experts identify lies, gossip, taunts, rumors, harassment, silent treatment, exclusion and bullying as various forms of relational aggression.

Leah Davies, PhD, an expert who has written on relational aggression, defines it as “any action that inflicts physical or mental harm upon another person.”

She underscores this is happening in a social setting among individuals who already have had some social interactions or relationship.

Experts propose a number of root causes for this behavior.

Sense of belonging - This need to belong is probably the biggest cause of relational aggression. Kids want to fit in so they join their peers in teasing the other children Fear of being left out is common among everyone – especially children and young adults. Not being a part of the “so- called” popular group relegates them to the role of mute spectator, to be avoided at all costs; thus forcing them to become a participant in the bullying.

Group Identity – This strong association with one group – could be lifestyle, race, or ethnicity – is similar to the “belonging” idea above. The disparity easily leads to name-calling and all forms of divisive, “us” against “them” behaviors.

Boredom, Drama - This seems to be a very strange reason but it is true; research finds that teenagers looking for excitement or drama resort to bullying behaviors that fill the emptiness of their routine day.

Media and Popular Culture – The media play a very important role in the lives of young adults especially in determining their lifestyle and their perception of life. Film and television make aggression look “cool.” Children idolize celebrities

and resort to aggression and bullying while emulating their heroes. Reality shows such as Survivor elevate deception, lying, cheating and manipulating other persons to a sought after skill that is rewarded by winning money.

Advances in Technology – Technological advances accelerate the lie’s speed and range of distribution and hide the author’s identity more easily than in face-to-face communication. Cyber messaging is used as one of the most popular forms of relational aggression. Kids, especially girls, are using the net adversely, giving rise to rumor mongering and malicious gossip directed towards individuals they know and wish to hurt. Websites provide them access to post nasty, anonymous or falsely signed messages; identities can be stolen easily.